Fumers: Gas Thievery

Even the tropical paradise of Hawaii isn's safe from the fumer mob:

Police on Kaua`i said they have seen a sharp increase in gas thefts.

Auto parts stores like NAPA tell KITV they have seen a steady increase in sales of gas cap locks in recent months. As the price of gasoline rises auto parts stores are getting more inquiries and seeing more sales of such gadgets.

They are most popular among owners of older cars that do not have built in gas tank locks.

"See these older cars are very easy to siphon from. The opening is big and the gas tank's right below here. So it's very simple. Stick your hose in, suck it up and you drain it," mechanic George Nitta said.

I've approached all the major (American!) automakers with my anti-fumer devices but no takers yet. They tell me the laws just aren't there to allow for permanently maiming/disabling fumers (even though they deserve it!).

I've now shifted my focus to devices that simply shame the victim, the current working prototype being a violent jet of estrogen. The pharmacist keeps asking me why I'm buying box after box of birth control pills.

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A 55-year-old Corona man was arrested on suspicion of robbery early Tuesday after, police said, he stole gasoline and confronted a witness with a machete.

I've seen plenty of machete and shiv carrying fumers on my block. I've gotten in the habit of wearing a custom suit of armor under my coat every time I walk out the door. I fashioned it from jar lids and fishing line. Still smells like pickles.

Bad news in Milwaukee. Gas thieves favor drilling over siphoning

I've been looking into getting a double-hulled tank for my Vanagon because of this very problem. The outer hull would be filled with olive oil. Good luck running your car on salad dressing you fumers!

Fumephobes will want to tune in to the next Jericho episode, a new show set in post-apocalyptic America:

When the generator at the hospital is low on gas and supplies in town begin to dwindle, the police must ask disgruntled and panicked townspeople to siphon gas from their cars.

Yes, from what we can tell, this is the first instance of government-authorized auto-fuming. A chilling prediction of the future we are all destined to live.

Charlotte is teeming with fumers! (don't miss the video)

Mike Vails, who works at a cleaning service just a few doors down from the business, said it’s happened before. He said the property makes an easy target because of its close proximity to the state line.

"And the limited number of police officers the city has already, it's just an open invitation," Vails said.

An open invitation might be a good idea if you had a tamper-proof gas cap that sent a message. After much toil, my lawyers and I have decided that my burning-petrol-shooting tamper-proof gas cap will need to be modified. I've ended up with more gas on my garage floor and my overalls than in my tank. I'm going to shift over to mace or some sort of bear repellent.

Fumers attack Memphis!

Ulrica Gibson says with the price to fill up her Escalade continuing to escalate, she plans to buy a locking gas cap right away.

She says, "$20 to lock up my gas, yeah. $20 versus me filling it up again (for) $70.00. That's nothing."

I've been experimenting with a lockable gas cap that spews flaming gasoline when tampered with. It sometimes goes off when I'm just filling up my tank but I think I'll get the bugs worked out.

Think twice before confronting fumers, they may be ready to kill:

One of the men lifted up his shirt to reveal a handgun to the victim, said police spokesman Carl Baker.

The victim notified the police who arrived to find that the suspects had left. Upon further inspection the victim realized that the three men had been trying to siphon gas from his car, but was unable to determine if they were successful.

Your gas or your life!